Lazy Bertram
by Yoshizilla-Fan
Summary: Bertram is a lazy butler who works in a penthouse, watches TV and eats donuts wrapped in bacon.
1. Chapter 1

**Lazy Bertram**

By Yoshizilla-Fan

* * *

Bertram was sitting inside the penthouse screening room, watching TV while eating a bacon wrapped donut.

"Hey Bertram, I'm going to take the kids out, watch the penthouse while I'm gone." Jessie stated, coming into the room.

"Be sure to leave them there while you're at it." Bertram responded.

Jessie grabbed Bertram's donut and threw it across the room.

"Hey! I was still eating that! Now it's too far for me to reach!" Bertram remarked, being too lazy to get up off the seat.

"That was for not paying attention to me. It's bad enough I can't land an acting career." Jessie remarked.

"You and me both, sister." Bertram remarked. "Hey, can you get me another bacon wrapped donut? I'd get one myself but it's _too far._" Bertram muttered.

"Bye Bertram." Jessie walked out the room while Bertram groaned.

"Oh who needs her. At least I can still watch my favorite show, _Desperate Butlers_."

Bertram changed the channel, shocked to see that _Desperate Butlers_ has been cancelled due to it being a parody of another TV show, with Bertram crying like the Cowardly Lion from The Wizard of Oz, who at least had the courage to not be lazy or a butler.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey Bertram, can you hand me that pen?" Ravi asked him in his Indian accent. "I am writing an essay about stuff that no one in this house cares about!"

Bertram was on the couch, reading a butler magazine which he lowered, seeing the pen on the coffee table in front of him. "It's too far." Bertram stated, being too lazy to get it despite being in front of him.

"Never mind. I will get it." Ravi sighed, annoyed by Bertram's laziness and he grabbed the pen, but failed to pick it up as he sprained his arm trying, yelling in pain as he rubbed his arm.

"Ha! You're such a weak link!" Luke insulted him, running by and crashing into the walls.

"Hey! Watch where you're going!" Zuri exclaimed. "Bertram, do something!"

Bertram looked around, being too lazy to do anything as he kept reading his magazine. "I am doing something. I'm reading my magazine."

Mrs. Kipling walked by, grabbing the pen with her tail and handing it to Robbie.

"Thank you, Mrs. Kipling. I can always count on you for anything. Unlike some people."

Bertram ignored him and kept reading his magazine, being too lazy to even stop reading his magazine.


	3. Paul Blart: Lazy Mall Cop

Bertram, Jessie and the Ross kids were walking through the Manhattan Mall, with Bertram panting heavily as he carried all of the shopping bags.

"How much farther do I have to carry this stuff? I'm tired!" Bertram whined.

"We've only been walking for two minutes!" Jessie remarked. "And I can't believe how much stuff you bought, Emma!"

Emma Ross shrugged. "What can I say? I'm as much a shopaholic as Bertram is lazy!"

"Hey, I'm not lazy!" Bertram whined, before jumping up and down, stomping the ground like a little child throwing a tantrum. "I'm not lazy I'm not lazy I'm not lazy!"

"Hey! No throwing tantrums in my mall!" Paul Blart yelled, being on his roller as he went after Bertram who gasped as he dropped the bags and took off, collapsing from exhaustion after running ten feet, allowing Paul to catch up to him.

"Wow. I've never seen him run that far before." Zuri stated.

Paul poked Bertram, who was still unconscious and out of breath, pulling out his walkie talkie. "I need someone who's not lazy or fat!"

"Don't forget bald." Emma added.

"At least this security guard isn't bald. Otherwise they could be the perfect pair of friends!" Luke stated.

"Wow. Maybe I should find someone who is just like me." Ravi stated, implying that he had no friends.

"Yeah. Good luck with that." Zuri teased him.

"Can we just leave before lazy and lazier start making out? Grab him!" Jessie remarked as the Ross kids grabbed Bertram and dragged him out.

"Hey, you can't do that!" Paul ran after them, only to collapse from exhaustion after running three feet due to also being fat, but at least not a butler, lazy or bald.


End file.
